In the beginning

This post is a cut and paste from a previous entry on a previous blog that me and my then girlfriend were writing about the transition. It is her account of the moment of epiphany. I feel it is pretty accurate- so rather than reinventing the wheel, here you go... my apologies to those who have been reading along all the while. In the following conversations "me" is my ex gf, and the "she" and "her" referred to is me, pre-transition.

me: We went into Maidenform because she was complaining that she couldn't wear a tight t-shirt because of the sportsbra uniboob effect.
So I understood her request as: find me a regular bra that doesn't have underwires and is comfortable.
Found it, went into the dressingroom and tried it on. It fit beautifully.
But, as I was looking at her reflection in the mirror, I noticed her face was not pleased.
In fact, it was kind of disgusted and wholly uncomfortable.
She said, "They look like frikken cones!".
I think it'd been forever since she'd really looked at herself in the mirror wearing a real bra.
"That's how they're supposed to look," I said.
"I have to take this off," she said, and she did, and threw her clothes back on.
Then we kind of just sat in the dressing room and stared at each other.
And I saw it in her eyes.
I don't know how, but I did.
And I said, "You don't have to wear this."
And she said, "I really wish I didn't have boobs at all. I wish I could just get rid of them."
"I hate them," she said,
And then she seemed surprised at herself for saying it out loud. Like, women can be annoyed at their boobs, but hate them entirely? That's kind of taboo.
I mean, what does that mean? When you say that? This was the thought that was running through my head.
So we had a conversation that seemed to last about three days off and on.
About her past, and how she's always felt not just masculine inside, but fundamentally male.
At one point after the bra epiphany on the way home, she said, "I wish I could just snap my fingers and be a boy. If it was that easy, I'd do it."
"That's telling," I said.
And then we were off...on the twisty path of transitioning...